Wednesday, 26 August 2015

You're not Specially Special


Assalamu'alaikum warrahmatullah.

In this life, I always wonder.
Can we be special to at least someone?
Be it mom, dad, sis, bro, whoever in this world.

That feeling of wanting to be special, is not something weird any more.
It's like, a normality.
A prove as to someone's normality.
It's normal in every people, wanting to be love, to be spoiled.

In every so called phase of my life, ever since I was in the kindergarten.
I never felt special.
I was abandoned.
Simply because of my background.
Well I'm not from a rich family.
There are things in this world, you know.
Where you often see it in television but it's happening in real life.
You know kids from not-so-rich family will be easily knocked down even if they try hard to win.
Me? Don't even ask.
I think my life as a kid sucks back then.
Even so, I wanted to go back to that life so bad comparing to the life I had now.
I wish I could be a kid forever.
Being push aside? Being bullied?
I experienced them. But kids like me won't care much at those kind of things, right?
Cause all they know, they wanted to play and enjoy their childhood.

I wish I have that "I don't know what's going on or I dont care what's going on" feeling than "What did I do wrong or What do i do now" feeling.


I really want to be special to someone.
The last time I think I was special, I was dumped harshly.
I also wanna be "Why do I have to care about being special" person but then, even if I tried not to care.
I end up feeling that way.
Like, begging in my heart.
Wanting to be special to someone so bad, that when I see another person being treated more special than me, I feel somehow, sulky.

Isn't that childish?

It totally is.

I wanted to be special, but don't conquer me and control my happiness.
I want that kind of life.

I guess being special ain't easy.
I don't want a life where I think I'm special but I end up hurting.
I'd rather live recklessly and do my own things rather than being treated that way.
If I'm special, why do I have to be the same as others?
Why treat others, more special than me?
Then, why give so much hopes?
Why hurt me in the end?

I hate jerk.

Once I'm done with someone, I will never turn back.
Even if I do.
It will never be the same.



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