Friday, 29 January 2016

Easier

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Dear bloggie,

It's been a while since I write.
I've so many things to write but not enough time for it.
Should've spend most of my free times thinking about what to write in here, but still I chose not to.
I don't know what to write. I'm just gonna write anything that comes out from my mind.

Is it possible for someone to be bored around you?
I don't know. Maybe yes. Maybe no.
Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I don't understand the world. Sometimes I think that I do understand it.

When someone stayed with us for too long, and that we gave so much problems.
It is possible for someone to be bored around us?
They must have think like, "Boy, not again".

I may not know if people are bored being with me through their words but their actions might show it. But sometimes, my predictions can be wrong because everyone has a problem of their own.

When things change, it's a little too hard for us to fix it.
It doesn't worth a try.

It doesn't matter anymore.
Someone used to said.

"Hey hanis. I got a room-mate and she's one of a kind. She never cares going out alone. She doesn't give a damn about having a companion
wherever she go. I asked her why do you become like this. Why do you place yourself far from others? You did not really socialize. You really dont care, dont you?
How can you do that? And she replied. 

..

Ive lost enough. Ive been close to these people and guess what? They end up died and leave me alone. Im tired of being too close to someone. Im tired of loving
someone too much, because I know, they'll end up change and leave the hell outta me. Can u fix that? Can you? Of course you can't.
So stop asking me why, I choose to be alone."



I learn one thing from the story. You can't love someone too much. You'll end up hurting yourself when they leave.
You can't be too close to someone. Cause if she left, you'd suffer more.

I wanted to be happy. 
But everything is not the same anymore.
I just want to find someone whom I can really put my trust and love on.

And it's getting harder now.
I understand if Im the reason people wanna back away from me.
I understand Im the reason. Ive always be the reason why people dont like being with me for too long.
And I will always be the reason.

I fricking hate myself. 
I wish mom never gave birth to me.
I wish mom never had me.
I wish i didnt meet whoever I met.
I wish I could turn back time.
If only I can read people's heart.


It'd be easier. 


Way EASIER.

Oyasayumin.



3 comments:

  1. mei x bored pon kore nfc chan! :3

    ReplyDelete
  2. life is fun because it is not easier babe. looking back at times, you will laugh at the hardest moments in your life that you managed to get through with difficulty.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hate your self means low self esteem...

    ReplyDelete

What's on your mind,peeps ?